I identify myself as one of those many people who is completely okay to stay single. It’s frustrating to know that some crowds would justify singleness as someone (1) who has trust issues and would never date ever again, (2) who has probably some issues within himself/herself and that’s why he/she is not suitable to be loved at all, and (3) other issues that mainly downgrade a person’s self-esteem and self-worth. For what it’s worth, being single is likened to a season – a season of growth and/or renewal.
I’m lying if I said I don’t want to be in a relationship. I am a hopeless romantic freak. I feed my soul with every chic flicks and drown myself into romantic novels. I even listen to podcasts about love and redemption every morning before I get out of bed. What I’m saying is, I do want love but I want it to come in its own perfect timing.
I don’t want to rush everything right now. I’m young and contented of what I have become. Right now I have all the time to think and reflect on the many things that matter the most and I am just waiting for that time when I’m finally ready to get on with my life. And being alone has allowed me to redirect my priorities and goals into the brighter aspect of the spectrum.
It has never crossed my mind that being single made me less of a person. I am actually gaining more of myself than I ever thought. It made me realize that my world doesn’t have to revolve into one person’s orbit only. I have a supportive family and an incredible sets of friends, and I associate myself with them too often that I forget I am in a state of being single. They give me a sense of purpose just by being there and if it does not validate how blessed I am, I don’t know what will.
I am hopeful that whenever my forever person comes knocking at my door, I’m already ready to begin a new chapter of my life. In all honesty, I am not asking for him to hurry. He should take his time because I still have to hustle to get to wherever I want to be. Right now I still want to be selfish with myself and with my time. As cliché as it may sound, I still want to savor every bite of my freedom.
I’m always convinced that my thoughts and emotions are pulling me into the depths of damnation. My anxiety and sadness are, I guess, my lifetime friends and I cannot in any way get rid of them. I give myself pep talks sometimes to persuade myself to allow them to walk side by side with me but never give them a chance to get ahead of me, and somehow that works pretty much fine.
Today I learned that these so-called friends of mine can be great companions too. I realized that if I can’t make them leave, I can actually use them into something more useful and productive. By utilizing them and making them beneficial to my well-being, these inevitable thoughts and feelings can be a start of a passion that could fuel some drive deep within me.
Delving deeper into these things made me realize that I am, in fact, already using my overthinking mind and sad heart into something fruitful. The main reason I started this blog was for me to be able to write about my daily fashion excursions. But being a person full of sentiments and occupied with a lot about the smallest things, this blog is more proper for those muddled thinking.
I am a bit amused of myself because I never thought I can make these weaknesses turn into my strongest assets. Who would have thought that these crippling emotions and these devastating thoughts could blossom into the life full of positive vibes and internal stillness? Life is ironic, indeed.
To be honest, I never thought I could write things like these five years ago. I always envisioned myself to be someone who would write more about the latest fashion trends and to post new OOTDs every single day. I would have been a new fashion blogger on the block. I am more interested in those kinds of things only to realize that they were a temporary distraction from what I really feel. Truly, life is really not what it seems.
Negativity – a complex prison my mind can’t seem to get out of. I’ve been dwelling in this inner sanctum for years and all I ever wanted was to break free. Sometimes it’s easy for me to say that I’m already positive and so full of life yet I’m back again. I’m back to being miserable and sad.
I always thought I already have my life together. Maybe I already have but my unhappy thoughts would always get the best of me. They’re always ahead of me every step of the way and even if I could shake them off, they somehow creep back into me. I hate it.
I may be free but my mind has always been a captive. It’s surreal how one moment I am my jolly self and the next thing I know I’m already ruined. With this situation I’m in, I am just really appreciative of the little things and the moments when I can be with my happy self again. I grab them as best as I could because they don’t linger too long too often. I keep hoping they never go away.
I wish I knew how to break out of this system permanently. I’m glad I could write all my feelings out. I’m proud of myself for not thinking about taking my own life. I’m thankful that I have family and friends who are only a call away. They can really help me win this internal battle I’m in. So far they haven’t asked me how I tend to get myself into this kind of internal mess but somehow their existence give me enough courage and hope to fight and win my troubles away.
My thoughts are also with those people who never got the chance to get out alive. I’m crushed every time news about depression and suicide appear on our television and smartphone screens. I think about the things they’d been through and I always ask myself if they ever had a chance to tell someone what they were going through, and if those people took a moment to focus on them or did they shrugged them off. I am still full of questions and concerns because I have an understanding of what they were going through and it’s not that easy as what everybody think it is.
Negativity is a complexity. The sad thing about it is that you can’t even see it coming and when it has taken over your mind, you cannot even resist it. You just know you’re doomed to fight and if you’re strong enough, you’ll manage to rise up.
Living in your twenties is a pretty huge deal. It’s merely the time to get free and explore not only the world but also yourself. Things are starting to shape up and make sense, and the adult life starts to loom around. It may be true that this is the time for us to get our shit together and face the reality headstrong but keep in mind that this is also the right time to make mistakes and truly learn from them.
When you’re in your twenties, personal growth is either rampant or restrained. Things may spurt out or things may slow down. There is no in-between. Your own personal choices are what’s keeping you going or what’s keeping you stagnant. Whatever the situation you’re in, keep in mind that everything is happening for reasons that you’ll most likely figure out when the right time comes. It’s always never too late when you’re in your twenties.
I’m only 21 years old but don’t get me wrong. Because we are only in our twenties once, I’ve come up with a list that we, twenty-somethings should be doing to make the most out of this decade.
Plan a getaway with your friends. It’s always better to explore the great outdoors with great friends. It’s not really that expensive when you do it right. You can always start with your city and make your way to your neighboring cities. When your bank account permits, you can perhaps travel to other countries. Either way, the experiences you’ll have in the whole scale of the trip will always be memorable. Remember that it gets harder finding the right schedule when you’re older so now’s the best time!
Learn more about your roots. It’s about time you realize that as you grow older, your elders are not getting any younger as well. It’s only fitting that you should start asking more about your ancestors and your family history. Make notes and timelines because this will also serve as a legacy to your children and their children as well.
Spend more time with your little siblings and/or cousins. At this point in time, they basically look up to you as the big boss to everything. They will expect you to decide for them and they will respect you no matter what. You’ll have more fun together and you will surely enjoy their innocence. But the main reason for this is that when you’re older, you’ll get caught up with work and even your own family that you’ll never have the time to mingle with them anymore. Plus, when they’re older, it’s more likely they’ll never gonna listen to you any longer.
Up your culinary game. You cannot just settle with ramen for the rest of your life. Lift up your cooking skills in your 20s and you’ll never have to worry about hosting a dinner party later in life. You’ll also most likely to impress a special someone with your culinary prowess because food is always the key to the heart, right?
Take good quality portraits. And if you can have them developed, do it too. These photos will remind you of great memories and it’s always fun to place them in photo albums or display them in picture frames. It elevates its sentimentality more and it will remind you later of how you looked and how it felt like to be in your 20s. Selfies doesn’t count and the studio-type photos are not necessary. Just be yourself and do you!
Build good habits. Self-discipline should start now. Wake up early, take a morning run, get organized and manage your time. Now’s the right time to take care of yourself and your habits. You are not in high school anymore so set your priorities straight and do great things by starting small and start it with yourself.
Learn from people who already have made it. Always seek advice from these people because they already are the wisest. Talk with them more often and learn from their experiences. They will always have something to offer and their wisdom is the greatest thing you’ll ever have. Sometimes you won’t agree with them too much but time will come when every little details they shared will make great sense.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. In your early twenties, there will come a time when you’ll feel like your life is too stagnant and there will always that feeling of getting left behind. Don’t get this feeling corrupt you. Things are not getting easier and the pressure is always on but just take a deep breath and know that things will come at the right time and you’ll do great at your own pace.