Why Adult Life Scares Me

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Now that I passed the board exam, I can’t help but think that this is finally the start of a life in the real world. I am so happy that I don’t have to study anymore and I’ll be working soon, but I can’t shake off the thought that the day will come that I’ll be living away from the comfort of our very home – in which I basically lived my life for two decades already.

Adult life scares me, heck, I don’t even want be called an adult. I love this feeling where I sleep most of the time and my mom doesn’t even care because she felt like I should be catching up on sleep and that our helper can handle things around the house on her own. But when that adult “time” comes, which is inevitable for God’s sake, I may or may not be the best adult I ought to be.

Here are 15 reasons why adult life scares me:

  1. I hate making doctor’s appointments. Because if there’s one thing I’m dependent to my mother about, it’s making doctor’s appointments and even though I’m a nurse, the doctor’s judgments freak me out all the time!
  2. Sleeping all alone in a house/apartment. Because I fear the day when I will be having my own crib without a companion. But I decided I’ll be inviting friends over so that we can share the whole house/apartment, maybe?
  3. Cleaning the bathroom/comfort room. Because I hate the idea of cleaning it.
  4. Taking out trash. Because it’s dirty and smelly and wet.
  5. Mounds of laundry. Because I love to change clothes a lot and I fear the day will come when I’ll be washing my own clothes. Also, it saps out all my energy just by looking at mountains of it.
  6. Eating fast foods for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Because I love cooking but cooking doesn’t love me back.
  7. Paying MY bills. Because you can’t live independently without the bills.
  8. Asking your parents for money. Because you admit defeat when you ask for it.
  9. Defective stuff. Because a leaking gasoline tank will never put you to sleep. Things like that.
  10. Attempting to fix everything. Because I just can’t fix everything.
  11. Attempts of avoiding my responsibilities. Because it will creep on me like monsters underneath my bed.
  12. Spending on things even though I don’t want to. Like taxes, maybe?
  13. Buying things that make me feel like an adult. Like hydrochloric acid and dish-washing soaps.
  14. Eating on paper plates with plastic spoons and forks. Because I hate to dish-wash.
  15. Calculating funds. Because I don’t want to spend my one month salary in one sitting.


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Open Letter

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It’s been two months since I graduated and it never occurred to me that my four years of college life was finally over. I relied on the fact that I was still going to see them for two months of pure review for the board examinations. Now, I’m torn between depression and anxiety because I don’t know what’s coming up next. And waiting for the Nursing Licensure Exam results are not helping either.

For the past days, I have been avoiding everything that could trigger a memory. Facebook’s not helping because it keeps bringing up the past! And as much as I love my history, I don’t like bringing up my past because all of my emotions would drown me until I’m out of breath and miserable.

I’ve been doing my best and I’m pretty smart to divert my attention to Supernatural’s Sam and Dean Winchester. I have been praying so hard as well. Harder than I thought I can ever do. I have been asking for grace and mercy as well as strength and patience to carry all of these until something happens.

I have been strong and confident and the Lord reassured me that indeed something will happen (I asked for signs!). I knew it and I felt it. I just need to trust Him because He won’t fail us all. For now, I need to dust off the negativity and anxiety and reboot my system. I will also never forget to P.U.S.H. harder and harder. Pray Until Something Happens!

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